hi.... i've become such a boring person these days. have also developed sharp tongue. I hate people. i look back and wonder what kind of person i was in life... jovial fun loving, friendly, lovable... but these days. S*** is not the word. why am i feeling so old and miserable. i only like to stay inside my house. thats the only place i'm feeling comfortable with.

yeah my son seems to be my only consolation... of course not to mention my sis shan and my mum. even with her i go over board. take her for a hike. i feel silly. sometimes i hurt her so much she actually doesn't mistakes me... but next moment i feel bad... this is not me... where is the real me. i feel like going out of station somewhere a place where i don't know anyone. but i'm not able to do that... i need a's permission, b's permission. i hate that.

Sometime back i had all the freedom in the world to go out anywhere come in anytime... have fun... but those days i prefered to be at home. now i want to do all these things but i'm not getting a chance. This is not what i wanted out of life... but y god....

today someone i knew by just name introduction called me... i was such a mess over the phone. she would have thought why the heck she called me... you know the worst part is i don't care what she thinks about me. i'm happy if she doesn't call me again also. i have started hating to socialise with people around me. where am i heading...