Is it convenience or good time... that matters...

wondering what... u have become my only friend these days with whom i can open up completely.... mainly because you can only listen and not talk back. few days ago i had to attend function formality sake at 5 in the morning when i asked whether it can be rescheduled... they gave me all crap about auspicious time and all that crap and it cannot be changed. well i din't bother to argue and change 'cos i don't have any sentiments about it... and as long as my son is not going to be tortured touring around i don't have a problem... now they are calling up and saying timing is changed to 9. point number 1... what happen to the auspicious time funda??? the it seems the carpenter has said work will not get over until 9 so the time is changed. So time is always available... we have to choose depending on our convenience... some people just don't get it in their heads... y am i becoming the scape goat always. I'm in worst of my mood... need to relax. some decisions change our life completely... can't tell u more. bye.

chill bloggy... here's a funny event.

y'day i had to interview couple of people to replace the designers who are quiting my organisation. there was this character who came in for the interview, his profile seemed to look like he has lot of experience. Well he looked very profound too... as we started to chat he made me feel like as though i was on the other side of the table... i asked him what are the questions you will ask before you start a website design... he said "questions meaning..." i had to gve him an example like say "what does the site deal with" he said oh... then he is looking at me a smiling and asking me what else... i think thatz all i will ask... i said what about who the user is... he said yeah.... what else thatz all... i cudn't help laughing.... he was rejected right away. but if i think of that interview session i can't help laughing.

hi.... i've become such a boring person these days. have also developed sharp tongue. I hate people. i look back and wonder what kind of person i was in life... jovial fun loving, friendly, lovable... but these days. S*** is not the word. why am i feeling so old and miserable. i only like to stay inside my house. thats the only place i'm feeling comfortable with.

yeah my son seems to be my only consolation... of course not to mention my sis shan and my mum. even with her i go over board. take her for a hike. i feel silly. sometimes i hurt her so much she actually doesn't mistakes me... but next moment i feel bad... this is not me... where is the real me. i feel like going out of station somewhere a place where i don't know anyone. but i'm not able to do that... i need a's permission, b's permission. i hate that.

Sometime back i had all the freedom in the world to go out anywhere come in anytime... have fun... but those days i prefered to be at home. now i want to do all these things but i'm not getting a chance. This is not what i wanted out of life... but y god....

today someone i knew by just name introduction called me... i was such a mess over the phone. she would have thought why the heck she called me... you know the worst part is i don't care what she thinks about me. i'm happy if she doesn't call me again also. i have started hating to socialise with people around me. where am i heading...

search....

These days i feel an emptiness within me. Darkness. I'm searching for guru... not exaclty guru but a guide sorts or whatever you name it... someone who has experienced what i am experiencing... emptiness. I think i'm attracted by Osho and his ideologies. Have started to read a book authored by him called 'Courage - the joy of living dangerously' the foreword matches what i'm expecting out of this book. let see how it goes.

hey bloggy....

its me again. well not to crib about others. its about me. I keep telling myself don't crib about others but i stil do that. bad mouthing if i have to be literal. Y do i do that... i like to talk to my creator sometimes... I'm not bad but my feelings are so rusted these days. I'm losing patients...
while i sincerely try to stay cool it doesn't happen. will time heal.. I doubt.

hey... y is that i always remember you when i have a problem and when i don't have ahuma company to share it with. I guess i feel like talking... and really i want someone who will just listen and not start to blurt out their profound advice based on their intutions... seriuosly i don't want any advice from anyone... If a person is doing something wrong to i guess he knows it is wrong and wudn't require a third person to say it is wrong...

things havn't changed much since my last post. when i was feeling really low y'day din;t know whom to talk with suddenly remembered this page, my own page. the only change i have from what i wrote last is that. I am a mother now and that does not change my character and attitude completly.

work seems to be fine like always but it is just my personal life which is always on toss... boy i can't tell more. remember i decided this is not going to be my personal diary...

hey blog spot.... just you and me after a long time... you know now i have a kutty son. he has just completed 3 months :) I feel like a proud mother whenever this guy smiles at me. he is really sweet. Tejas is his name.

adventurous and rewarding dream....

Ok where do i start i erally don't know. 'cos i don't know the beginning. All I cud remember was I was running with a 20rs note in my hand. and i knew where i was going. It was a part of a major witness for some criminal bribery case. If the number in the bill matches the number in the money which was bribed then someone (not sure who) a bigshot would be proved guilty. So I was running fast because the court wass in the verge of acquitting this person and landed up on time to prove him guilty. While i was running to the court that 20rs bill fell on a drainage and i think i got down the drainage to get it. Finally after all the court thing was over. Of course my timely evidence saves the day. I'm kind of surrounded with my relatives who start to appreciate me for being so brave or rather becoming popular by doing this. while we were talking a 5rs note goes and falls inside the drainage i jump immediately to take that. one of my unc says you have become so brave... I reply him in a jocular way no ihave experience jumping into drainage and he laughs. and their ends my dream... silly eh ;)

weird dreams continue....

ok. This is a dream which i had the day before y'day. Vaguely remember the dream starting like this.... My husband and I went on a honey moon to srilanka... so that was the place where I was in my dream. But it just din't look like srilanka... subconsciously (in my dream) I felt that place was srilanka. We were staying in a hotel very close to the beach. so close that actually u step out of the boat it is the backyard of your alloted room. Suddenly we had t vacate the room and we left all our bag and baggaes and started to row towards the otherside of the shore. My husband after reaching the shore complains "how can u forget our baggages go get it... so I rowed back to the srilankan hotel or rather the resort to get our stuff... but the room which we were staying in has been rented out to someother couple. I ask their permission to get my stuff and packed everything and left to where my husband was standing. ofcourse rowing all by myself.

Now the shore looked very different from what i saw before... but it just blended in. It looked more like an elephant camp where unwanted elephants were shot down... My husband and I suddenly realised that our pet elephant which we actually took along to srilanka is one among the elephant which are lined to be killed. My pet elephants name is "Chidambaram" (I real don't know what kind of pet name that is and that too for an animal like elephant) So this is the scene... A lot of elephants keep running put of fear to be killed and their is this lady who's got the revolver pointed at the elephant... but u know what she is just some kind of sadistic pleassure but giving a physco terror to those elephants. Finally I reach the spot and start shouting for my pet "Chidambaram" and their came my pet with all tear and terror filled eyes. He hugs me with his trunk and I ask him to give a hug to my husband and my kid(I actually don't have one now, but expecting) chidambaram hugged us with so much love and again he ran into the jungle knowing he would be killed. How mean of me I let him go in. But i was feeling heavy.

I woke up. That poor fellow chidambaram's face is still in my mind.

Unlike my prev blog....

Well I'm kind of absolutely feeling normal and good. It is really funny to be a human. Ain't it. Nothing comes from within you. Everything seems to be driven from outside. Like you get excited when someone compliments u for a work or ur dress and if somebody criticizes u for the same work or dress u get putoff badly. Why does that happen?

Which of my the feeling belongs to me. nothing actually. will continue later....

And gayathri it was not you whom my prev blog was targeted at. :)

Well... here goes my second. today i feel like writing about relationships. Are we behaving rudely with people. or do they irk us to behave so????

I really don't know. Why is that sometime when we see some people we cud feel our blood boiling literally. Is there a way i can come over it?

If u succeed in doing that tell me how. can't tell anything more really otherwise wud end up looking like my personal diary on that web. Which i have consciously decided not to be.

The nightmare in vallalar street...

Hi all.

I've never wrote a blog before. Was just inspired by reading a friend's blog. Lemme see if i use this actively. If no then it falls into my inefficiency basket which is aready loaded with a lot of things I have initiated but never continued to do like my morning walks, cooking, etc etc.

I have decided not to use this as my personal diary on the web but... kinda use it just write whatever i feel like writing which might not be on any interest to others.

Well to start with. I have this funny problem I dream all night. Sometimes when i get uo it feels like I have never slept at all.

Nightmare in vallalar street... well thatz the name of the street where i live :)
Oh man this dream was so real. Felt like i was in mid of some strange place which had a durty pond suddenly out of the darkness from that dirty pond leaped a Frog. Should be as big as a cat but in a frog shape. I could remember that frog had a wicked frog face like the fairy tale animals... and it just jumped over me... I was s*** scared i jumped out screaming and woke my husband also. He was horrified. he cud'nt guess what happened he came near me and I promplty still in the trasition between my dream and real life said " stop there don't come here their is a big frog" and in seconds i realised it was just a dream... but my hubby was still struck in that haunted scream and the horrible look which i was still holding... poor he. Had to put him in sleep and then i slept. Well that was not the end... slept again and dreamt again :)

I always had wired completely unrealistic, unrelated dreams... I wonder if their interpretations are true....?