Is it convenience or good time... that matters...

wondering what... u have become my only friend these days with whom i can open up completely.... mainly because you can only listen and not talk back. few days ago i had to attend function formality sake at 5 in the morning when i asked whether it can be rescheduled... they gave me all crap about auspicious time and all that crap and it cannot be changed. well i din't bother to argue and change 'cos i don't have any sentiments about it... and as long as my son is not going to be tortured touring around i don't have a problem... now they are calling up and saying timing is changed to 9. point number 1... what happen to the auspicious time funda??? the it seems the carpenter has said work will not get over until 9 so the time is changed. So time is always available... we have to choose depending on our convenience... some people just don't get it in their heads... y am i becoming the scape goat always. I'm in worst of my mood... need to relax. some decisions change our life completely... can't tell u more. bye.

chill bloggy... here's a funny event.

y'day i had to interview couple of people to replace the designers who are quiting my organisation. there was this character who came in for the interview, his profile seemed to look like he has lot of experience. Well he looked very profound too... as we started to chat he made me feel like as though i was on the other side of the table... i asked him what are the questions you will ask before you start a website design... he said "questions meaning..." i had to gve him an example like say "what does the site deal with" he said oh... then he is looking at me a smiling and asking me what else... i think thatz all i will ask... i said what about who the user is... he said yeah.... what else thatz all... i cudn't help laughing.... he was rejected right away. but if i think of that interview session i can't help laughing.

hi.... i've become such a boring person these days. have also developed sharp tongue. I hate people. i look back and wonder what kind of person i was in life... jovial fun loving, friendly, lovable... but these days. S*** is not the word. why am i feeling so old and miserable. i only like to stay inside my house. thats the only place i'm feeling comfortable with.

yeah my son seems to be my only consolation... of course not to mention my sis shan and my mum. even with her i go over board. take her for a hike. i feel silly. sometimes i hurt her so much she actually doesn't mistakes me... but next moment i feel bad... this is not me... where is the real me. i feel like going out of station somewhere a place where i don't know anyone. but i'm not able to do that... i need a's permission, b's permission. i hate that.

Sometime back i had all the freedom in the world to go out anywhere come in anytime... have fun... but those days i prefered to be at home. now i want to do all these things but i'm not getting a chance. This is not what i wanted out of life... but y god....

today someone i knew by just name introduction called me... i was such a mess over the phone. she would have thought why the heck she called me... you know the worst part is i don't care what she thinks about me. i'm happy if she doesn't call me again also. i have started hating to socialise with people around me. where am i heading...

search....

These days i feel an emptiness within me. Darkness. I'm searching for guru... not exaclty guru but a guide sorts or whatever you name it... someone who has experienced what i am experiencing... emptiness. I think i'm attracted by Osho and his ideologies. Have started to read a book authored by him called 'Courage - the joy of living dangerously' the foreword matches what i'm expecting out of this book. let see how it goes.

hey bloggy....

its me again. well not to crib about others. its about me. I keep telling myself don't crib about others but i stil do that. bad mouthing if i have to be literal. Y do i do that... i like to talk to my creator sometimes... I'm not bad but my feelings are so rusted these days. I'm losing patients...
while i sincerely try to stay cool it doesn't happen. will time heal.. I doubt.

hey... y is that i always remember you when i have a problem and when i don't have ahuma company to share it with. I guess i feel like talking... and really i want someone who will just listen and not start to blurt out their profound advice based on their intutions... seriuosly i don't want any advice from anyone... If a person is doing something wrong to i guess he knows it is wrong and wudn't require a third person to say it is wrong...

things havn't changed much since my last post. when i was feeling really low y'day din;t know whom to talk with suddenly remembered this page, my own page. the only change i have from what i wrote last is that. I am a mother now and that does not change my character and attitude completly.

work seems to be fine like always but it is just my personal life which is always on toss... boy i can't tell more. remember i decided this is not going to be my personal diary...

hey blog spot.... just you and me after a long time... you know now i have a kutty son. he has just completed 3 months :) I feel like a proud mother whenever this guy smiles at me. he is really sweet. Tejas is his name.